I know that I've been counting the days, and that I seriously can't wait for THIS to be over. The promises of the future are just so tempting, making high school seem boring. I can't wait to get rid of IB. It's not that I hate IB, because I really don't. It's just that thinking of the future really makes me bored of all these routines and predictability.
But anyhow, we had our last assembly today and it felt weird. I swear I almost cried. Actually...I cried a little, but I held the tears back, so... Yea, it just feels weird, really. I mean, what does it feel like to never attend Mr. Yahya's math class again? To never hear him say "Meow" when he's desperate for us to lower down our voice? What does it feel like to never conduct the guiltless act of eating my lunch in Ms. Elizabeth's class again? And what about the unstable situation of Indonesian class with Ms. Palupi? Indonesian A1 HL changed my life. It was through Pramodya Ananta Toer, Ahmad Tohari, and Sutan Alisjahbana that I figured out that there actually are/were open-minded people and awesome people with awesome ideas who are/were brave enough to express their controversial opinions, in this country. After a long time, I finally found a reason why I shouldn't condescend this country's sense of knowledge, open-mindedness, and literature. Oh, and the always-free-time class which I can skip just anytime so innocently, along with its teacher - one who confidently diagnosed me for suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), who always has a complaint to express, Mr. BUDI?!?!?!?! Mr. Budi never directly answers my questions, so instead of asking him, I always do my own research. He always comments with annoyance and somewhat likes to discourage people - and I find that very funny, which is why I always laugh at whatever he says LOL. He's very nice. Also, Physics with Ms. Marilyn! Well, I don't think I'm gonna miss it that much, since it's not too remarkable.
But what about Business&Management class?! How would it feel to never bombard Mr. Bart with my questions again? Most teachers I know are impatient and don't really like students who ask too much, especially when it comes to the details - especially askers, doubters, and why-ers LIKE ME. In fact, the major reason why Business is my favorite class is because I can ask without feeling hesitant or being judged stupid (I hope), 'cause I really am not. I'm not saying I'm equivalent to Professor Hawking or Einstein, who also are or were askers, doubters, and why-ers; but teachers often forget that inquirers are those who are curious, and those who are curious are usually the ones with the honest passion to learn. It's not rarely that people find my questions funny 'cause they think they're too common-sense, or dumb you may say, or uncanny to be asked. And once I got the answer, I'd realize how slow I am. But I'm a perfectionist - I look up for details and put them up for a big picture. I know that it can be quite an obstacle at times, 'cause it often causes me to be left behind; but one thing you have to know - once I understand, I will always understand. Sounds familiar? Right, Abraham Lincoln - "I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back." Sometimes I ask the same questions again and again, not because I forgot, but rather just for the sake of hearing it once again to trigger my memory. Which I know sounds pretty annoying when you're the one being asked...but really, that's just how I learn, and it's very effective. Besides, people need to be constantly reminded, right? Well, I hope my questions hadn't been too annoying for Mr. Bart, as they often were for most teachers. Oh, I'm soooo gonna miss Business. :(
I have mixed feelings about leaving high school. I'm happy that I'll finally be free from IB, but I'm also sad 'cause I'll have to leave particular things that have been making me happy behind. Binus - the place I've been going to everyday (less holidays) for the last 6 years.
Year 7 - I was this quiet, introverted girl looking for a fresh start 'cause she wasn't proud of who she was. Year 8 - I thought he's my first love, but then another he came along and ruined that idea. I was the opposite of confident for some reasons. I thought that people thought that I was uncool, which I disagreed a lot - so I always had a point to prove.
Year 9 - I thought that I liked you just alright, and that I wouldn't mind losing a friend like you, 'cause you're you.
Year 10 - Situation proved otherwise. My world revolved around you. Everything I did was for you. I was a teenage in love - so blinded and so weak. But I was also very organized, ambitious, diligent, and academically smart. It was the turning point of my academic life.
Year 11 - I learned that people come and go, the hard way. That was the year when I, the person whom I self-diagnosed to have low tear production, cried quite a lot. Well, perhaps not a lot, but compared to how I normally am, it was. There was a good side though. Since the person who I saw as a burden for me to express myself was gone, I began to find myself. I became stronger and wiser, and a hell MUCH more philosophical. I also grew self-esteem like a rocket. I was so proud of myself. But bad thing: I stopped going to the gym, 'cause I lost motivation for a reason you don't have to ask; and I gained 10 kgs in one year (no lying). I finally found my friends. I finally made sense of the role of money and its contribution in defining one's happiness.
Year 12 - I have truly found myself, or at least, I think. I am very principled (like I've always been actually, only now I'm just 100% sure of what that word means). I have my own opinions on things. I always have opinions and thoughts to express. I've always been a thinker since I was a small kid, but right now, I'm at the much higher point of that, but certainly not the highest. :) I've been exposed to reality, and made understood how people really are. Like how shallow 90% of the world population is, how the presence of emotions affect their decision-making and make them unpredictable, how jealous they can be, how we're schadenfreude by nature, how selfish we are, how selfish loving is, how evil we are, and how we're not that civilized after all. Which unfortunately made me dislike humankind a little bit too much, and led me to believe that I'm a misanthrope. Also, I've discovered that I'm not a big fan of politics and politicians. Hmm, what a cruel place this world is. And one more thing: there is nobody in the whole wide universe who would love us as much as our parents. They're the ones who really love us, who'd genuinely feel happy when we're happy, who wouldn't intentionally put us through harm. Love your parents and family. They're the most important. Family comes first. Trust nobody but your family - I'm serious. I love my family very much.
Wow, I've grown up quite a great deal, haven't I? Time really does fly like an arrow. Now I should be ready to leave the place that's been my second home for more than half a decade, the place that played a great role in shaping me up as the individual that I am, the place that's filled with memories I wish to cherish all my life and memories I wish to never be able to recall ever again. Things I'm proud of, things I regret.
Oh, I feel so old, although I always feel like I'm still 16. I wish I could stay 16 forever and never grow up. But the world is the world, and I guess with certain things, I'm just a normal human being like everyone - an idea of unity which I don't quite fancy. So, time goes on. I'll graduate from high school, get my IB Diploma, get into university, graduate from university and get my bachelor degree, then what? Get married?!?!?!? I've never even met a guy who listens to my music, plays the Rubik's Cube, and appreciates the little things as much as I do!! OMGGGGG. WHAT IS WRONG WITH TIME, SERIOUSLY. Why does it have to be so fast! I can't....accept this. I CAN'T. What kind of world are we living in!??!?!
Okay, fine. There's no use of complaining. Life goes on. I've my exams to focus on. As for the rest, for now, let the wind lead the boat. Bye-bye. I guess I've said way too enough. Wish me all the best. Don't miss me, kay? The next time you'll hear from me is when I deliver you the news that I score a solid 43 for my IB Diploma. B-)
